I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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