remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
