I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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