I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
