Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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