I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
