they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
as a side note pls kill me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
