This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
