u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
