U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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