he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
