i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
