her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
