In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize