I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
