Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize