I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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