i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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