You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize