I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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