It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
