This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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