I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
