This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
