Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
