im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it glows. i had to have it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
