wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
