I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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