i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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