He asked to "fluff my boner.."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
