i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
