she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
