I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
