I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
