I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
