there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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