Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize