Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
