so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
