The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dignity is for republicans.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize