is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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