That's when you crack a 10am beer
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
