my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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