the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
