8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
