What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm having to shit out rocks
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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