well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize