The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
