chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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