he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize