is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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