I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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