I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
