I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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