Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
