Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
