I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
