I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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