HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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