who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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