Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
