I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
