I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
