Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
