the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
