Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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