Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
