if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize