i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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