I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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