I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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