I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fuck appropriateness.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
