did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
