i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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