Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
