it's too hot outside to masturbate.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
