I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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