The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
