it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
