I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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